A Matter of Klaas: Why Messi Is Bad For Football

This is yet another sensationalistic title used in order to catch your costly attention in these dark ages of being-in-a-hurry-for-no-reason we live in. Lionel Messi, The Argentinian forward who will surely end his career holding more records than anyone who ever played Association Football, is not helping the sport he seems to enjoy dominating. Well, he is. But, not really.

Klaas-Jan Huntelaar, a 28-year-old Dutch striker, who plays his football for Schalke 04 in the German Bundesliga, is the perfect example of Messi’s negative impact on the game. This guy has the perfect striker’s body (balance of size and agility), is tactically aware(he’s Dutch, that’s not a surprise), shows great movement on the pitch, and holds a good sense for putting the ball in the net. He was tipped by myself and several other football weirdos (Luis Van Gaal…) as a potential improved version of the Great Van Basten. In other words, the perfect striker. Some will argue that many had their claims as being great centre-forwards after Van Basten retired. They would be right. I would take George Weah, Ronaldo (the original one), or Romario any day of the few remaining weeks we have left on this planet. They were all blessed with one or more outstanding abilities that made them extraordinary footballers. They were all great strikers. But not perfect.

(I am obsessed with perfection because, well, some people are. We like the idea of the possibility of improvement. As I’m typing this, I realize this obsession may be the engine for evolution, a force driving us towards flawlessness; then I think of the people who run the world we live in, and I remember we are going nowhere)

If you’re Dutch or German, you know who I’m talking about. If you have a knack for remembering names you hear every week on Sports shows, you somehow vaguely think you might have heard it. If you’re a footster*, you only know of Dutch football come international competitions. Klaas-Jan Huntelaar. It’s not everyday you meet a guy with a name you’re convinced could mean something badass in a foreign language. You have to understand why I waste my time talking about him. KJH, aka The Hunter, doesn’t look like a modern day striker. He barely looks like a footballer. In fact, he barely looks human at all. He’s very lean, doesn’t seem to have pace or strength. Only a perfect sense of his tasks on the pitch. He’s no Drogba, no Zlatan, no Van Persie, no Higuain, so no outstanding physical strength, no Kung Fu moves, no perfect first touch. Just enough of all the attributes required.You can’t really classify him as “one of those strikers”, because there are very few of his breed left playing at the highest level to compare him to. This piece is about the forgotten wonders of today’s Football.

So, Klaas-Jan Huntelaar, (I just copy-pasted the name by the way), who never fully reached his potential – like most Humans –, who for too long showed glimpses of what it would be like to have a computer program play striker, has finally lived up to the almost forgotten expectations some had for him. A couple of days ago, (or weeks, I’m too lazy to check) and we’re in April, the dutchman scored his 40^th goal this season (in all competitions). As I’m writing this, he’s top scorer of the Bundesliga with 23 goals, already his best career return. His club Schalke are currently third, a spot that would ensure them Champions League football next season. He also leads the Europa League in goals with 10. He has scored more international goals than his fellow countryman Van Persie in fewer caps (they’re also born six days apart). If you know a little about European football, you know that only a handful of strikers were able to reach these figures. And there are 5 leagues matches to go. Which means that unless our friend gets injured, he could possibly finish the season with 50 goals. I can’t think of the last time this happened, before the Messi/Cristiano era. I could look it up, and I would probably find a photocopy of an old yellowish newspaper article as a Wikipedia reference, talking about a man wearing leather boots, who scored his 50^th goal (in December) in a game that ended 9-7. That fucking long ago. I’m exaggerating, but you get the picture, and that’s what matters.

And why don’t you know this? Because Messi has already scored 58 goals this season. And you’ve probably seen them all for they were most likely all amazing (minus the penalties).

“We’re living in exciting football times. We are witnessing the greatest player possibly of all time, playing in the best team we’ve ever seen.”

I’ve heard so many variations of this in the past years, and I disagree with the first sentence. Messi is the best player ever, and Barça are pretty close to perfection. But that’s not a good thing. We’re missing out on so much other greatness occurring. Did you know that Cristiano Ronaldo scored more league goals than Messi last season? Did you know he’s currently leading La Liga in scoring? We’re so hooked on Messi that we tend to forget about the actual numbers. It’s almost as if we’ve created an alternate reality where Messi is in fact the absolute best in stats and that everyone else just stopped existing. As if we wanted to get it over with.

“-Is he the best yet?” -Well, the stats show that he will be but, for now… “. - Let’s just say he is, and then, he will be”.

Us humans are real good at that. Creating realities. I’ve heard TV commentators defend Messi whenever he misbehaved on the pitch. I’ve seen a referee pull a second yellow card out after a Barcelona player fooled an opponent from behind, only to put it back in his pocket when he realized it was Messi he was about to send off.

In the real world (whatever that is), Huntelaar’s season shows way more progress than Messi’s and is a way better story. Huntelaar is turning 29 this season, which means he only has a few years left. Messi is 24, and is beating his own already incredible records from last year. He’s won 3 straight Ballon d’Or, and will win it again this year, unless Cristiano scores a hat-trick in the Euro final and wins it for Portugal. What else is there to expect from him at club level? Can he really get better? Can he humiliate more defenders on his next goal? Let’s bet all our money Messi scoring 38 hat-tricks, blindfolded, on one foot next season. Seriously.

Speaking of Cristiano, because of Messi dominance, I feel we’re not fully enjoying Ronaldo’s incredible achievements. He is also exploding every individual record there is at Real Madrid, every other week. This kid grew up thinking he would one day dominate the football world. And he is. Only some other dude half his size is dominating him. Sad. No one likes Ronaldo and they don’t even know why. When you ask, fans say he’s too cocky, his goals aren’t crucial or important(which is bullshit), or that he’s a douchebag. True. Most footballers are douchebags. Cristiano happens to be the top one. People don’t like Cristiano Ronaldo because they love Messi. As if they had to choose one of the two. As if men have never liked two people at the same time…

I chose Huntelaar as an example because I honestly believed in him from the beginning, stuck with him during his disappointing times at Milan and Real Madrid, and today I find myself enjoying having been right about him all along, by myself. The kid is joint top scorer of the German league with another striker also having an outstanding season, Mario Gomez. Ze German. Will also finish the season with over 40 goals. No one cares.

I could’ve used Van Persie’s season to prove my point. But the fact that he plays in a league that normal people actually watch, and that he captains a club that is easy on the eyes (for the opposite effect watch Stoke City play, or whatever it is that they try to do), has helped him gain and keep global recognition in the Football world for his wonderful season. So his story is not a secret. We could talk about Raul’s smashing revival season at 35 after Real Madrid dropped him like a dog (incidentally he plays alongside Huntelaar at Schalke), or about the fact that a large number of 90’s Italian footballers are currently managers (Mancini, Di Matteo, Ancelotti, Simone, Conte, Donadoni, Ferrara…). We should be celebrating Swansea’s football, or highlight Newcastle United’s close-to-perfect buying policy. Instead, we watch Barça play and wait for Messi’s goals and unsuccessfully try to tweet something original describing his greatness.

Messi is bad for Football. Okay he isn’t. There are stories out there that need to be told ‘though. And who better than him, to help us tell a few of them? Thank the Gods for Messi.

*Footster: Football Hipster.

The 2011 Barclays Premier League Team Of The Year

Here's our way of wishing you a safe and happy holiday season. Our very own, best eleven in 2011 in the English Premier League.


By Ralph Legros & Carl-Philippe Simonise

The Management

In a time when owning a football club has become the world's billionaires' favorite pastime, managers are left with the most precarious job in the game, as the fear of new ownership (often resulting into changes at the top) is added to the pressure for results. On the international level, a world cup year usually implies new faces in charge, and for some countries, it is a matter of regaining a status lost during the last competition.

Two months into the 2010/2011 season, it's time to give the "bosses" their first term evaluation.

The International
-German legend Lothar Matthäus, who's taken over the Bulgarian national team since September, recorded his first win in the Euro 2012 qualifiers. His biggest challenge -other than rebuilding a mediocre team- will be to convince Bulgarian genius Dimitar Berbatov, to come out of retirement. Good luck!

-World Cup champion turned successful manager Laurent Blanc, has survived a lousy start with Les Bleus, after delivering two straight wins in Euro qualifiers. France now stands top of its group and offer a fresh new lineup of youngsters like Loïc Rémy (this kid is going places), displaying some enchanting football, and more importantly, delivering results. The fans and the media love it. It's like "The bus of shame" never happened. Bravo!

-Mano Menezes, head of the Seleçao, in currently succeeding at bringing some sense back the five-time champions. The former Corinthians man has called upon the youth for his last few outings, easily dismissing weak opposition. The likes of Neymar, Pato, Lucas Leiva are part of the rebranding process which started with Dunga's departure. They look like the Brazil of...the pre-Dunga era, having brought the magic back to their play.

Vicente Del Bosque is still enjoying the funnest job in the world, Bert Van Marwick of the Netherlands can count on the (long-awaited) rise of the next best striker in the world, Klaas-Jan Huntelaar (16 goals in 12 matches so far this season) in the absence of Van Persie and Robben. Being Germany's Jogi Löw (minus the buggers) seems to be relatively easy with such a talented pool of players to choose from. The Mannschaft picked up right where they left off in South Africa, with a series of convincing victories. This team is for real.

Domestically
Rafael Benitez is the luckiest (or smartest) man alive. He left a sinking ship (LFC) right on time, to take over the best club in the world. I hope he thanked Mourinho for having built and left him such a complete and mature side as Inter.

Our favourite, Arsène Wenger showed once more that he is to be trusted as Boss at the Emirates. Some trophies are more valuable than others...

Roberto Mancini's job as Manchester City's coach appears to be safe for the time being, as the Citizens are trailing league leaders Chelsea by only two points. Money, and some pretty italian-style defensive play, can buy happiness. Sometimes.

Pep Guardiola of Barcelona will have to show how much of a strategist he truly is this season in la Liga, with the Special One and his Galacticos determined to keep first place 'til the end. I thought selling Samuel Eto'o (the man with the hottest goal celebration) was a mistake, let's hope Villa can prove me wrong.

(Two thumbs up for Harry Rednapp who made the signing of the season so far, by bringing Rafa Van der Vaart to Tottenham Hotspur for a modest 8 million pounds)

Today, football coaches are losing some of the power they once enjoyed, and holding a relationship with a group rich youngsters together has become a necessary skill. Roy Hodgson can't keep Liverpool together, Fabio Capello needs Beckham to translate his thoughts to the Three Lions, Sir Alex Ferguson seems helpless in the Rooney saga, and Santos manager Dorival Junior had to learn the hard way that some players, cannot be suspended. Needless to say that the younger managers find it easier to communicate with that careless generation of egocentric supermen.

In two months or so, the January transfer window will open. A new challenge will then arise for these brave aging men. The next post will focus on the players targeted by January spendings.

Until then, I strongly advise you fans to start watching the German Bundesliga. It's by far the most exciting league this season. Laters!

Sepp Blatter: why a 74-year old Swiss businessman is running Football

As I was browsing through the many Euro qualifying matches last Friday, and this past Tuesday, I kept wondering what I was going to write about this week. Nothing stood out of all this football! France finally won a match, England (The September version) won easily, the big names (Italy, Spain, Germany, Netherlands) all got off to a good start, and -as I predicted- Portuguese Football is facing a crisis. And a bunch of players got injured. Nothing new. Business as usual. 

Until Sepp [Bellend] Blatter decided it was time to grab the world's attention by proposing one of his brilliant ideas to improve Football. The Golden Goal rule was a fiasco, but Mr Blatter did not learn the lesson. He now wants to remove the 2 extra-time periods (of 15 minutes) and go straight to penalties, in the knockout stages of a competition. After 90 minutes of Football, if a game is tied, let's end the spectacle as quickly as possible. Players are tired of running around, and Mr Blatter has got a plane to catch. So please, let's wrap it up!

The 74-year old Swiss ruler of the beautiful game noticed, during the last WC, that teams were being too cautious, and too eager to settle for a draw, rather than going forward and trying to win. He also realized that teams went forward in the very last stages of a game, which created matchups where both sides stood and looked at each other forever. The football wasn't beautiful enough, he thought. Nice to have you back mr Sepp! How was your 10 year nap? Welcome to the fooball of the Flat World, where anyone with Internet access knows how to get a result in a football match. We all saw Mourinho take out the Mighty Barça, we all know what it takes to win games today. We all know it takes a squad as good as Barça's to win beautifully. Get with the program Old man, there are some very progressive thinkers out there [Michel Platini], who already know how to do your job better than you. Or, maybe it's time to retire...

What Blatter didn't get from South Africa 2010 was that almost every coach came with a plan for each matchup, in order to get the most out of the 3 group games. Uruguay for exemple, won their group by conceding a less-than-thrilling draw to France in their opener. The mid-size teams were ready for the world cup. Blatter wasn't. Otherwise he would've noticed that, after all that negative football, the best two teams in the world, met in the final (producing breathtaking passing football), and that the best team in the world won the Cup. What more could you ask for? Every national side that lost in the knockout stages got beaten by a better team. All the way to the Dutch.

This won't satisfy the B-man, who probably misses the 6-0 thrashings of countries like Saudi Arabia, or Haiti, back when everyone wanted to play and look like Brazil. The possibility of having to go through penalties right after 90 minutes will not encourage any football coach to open up its defense and push numbers forward, Mr Blatter. It will not generate beauty in the game. This is a bad idea. Even on paper. 

Just think of the number of heart-stopping extra-time moments you've lived through your career as a fan, and you will agree with me. Here are some of the best I can remember:

6.Asamoah Gyan

5.Portugal vs England (Euro '04)

4.France vs Italy (Euro 2000)

3.Laurent Blanc

2.Maxi

In the new system, these moments wouldn't be possible. Sepp Blatter wants to put an end to that sentence we all love to hear: "We are going to extra-time". And, he obviously didn't want Spain to win the World Cup [in extra-time].

So why is Football run by a 74-year old Swiss businessman? Because Football is a business. A good businessman will turn anything good into a good business. But getting rid of extra-time would be a poor business move.

The Return Of The King

AC Milan, last-minute signings, and rough starts for the favourites...

Once upon a time, in the nineties, AC Milan was considered the best football club in Europe. This season, after a clever (and lucky) recruiting period, having signed big names like Robinho and Zlatan Ibrahimovitch, the Rossoneri have all the tools to regain their spot at the top. With great reputation, comes great opportunities in the transfer market. If Nesta can stay fit for 30 or so games, and Pippo Inzaghi keeps his current form (he scored the goal of his career last week), Ronaldinho and company may well bring us Milan fans back to the time of Donadoni and Van Basten (picture).

Today was the transfer window's deadline. Some reshuffling has happened in Europe, and we look forward to laughing at managers for their awful judgment.

Last weekend, Barça started the season where they left off, with an easy win, Mourinho drew in his first game as boss of the Galacticos, and Rafa Benitez is trying to destroy a second club in a row. Inter Milan were held scoreless on their opener.

Who will Pep Guardiola use as a defensive midfielder, now that he signed Javier Mascherano?

Please let me know what you think.

The German Champions lost to a newly-promoted side last friday. The curse on the top sides seems to be happening in France as well, as l'OM, l'OL, and Bordeaux are still at the bottom half of the Ligue 1 table after 4 matchdays.

But no worries in France, because Laurent Blanc's Les Bleus have completed their rebranding (new coach after the World Cup), by finding the new face of the team. Florent Malouda (who was tipped by Blanc as a potential Captain), in fine form with his club Chelsea, represents the new hope of the nation, (after the WC episode they call "The Bus Of Shame"). He reportedly showed up first at the French National Team call-up for the international week, an hour and a half before the deadline. The media loved it. Big deal!

Someone should start asking questions at Arsenal's fitness department. They never have all their stars fit at once in a season. Hmm...fishy.

And finally, in Portugal, I'm beginning to believe more and more that the last-minute Nani injury at the WC wasn't real, and that people (Carlos Queiroz) are covering a bigger story. Or that Queiroz needs anger management classes.

There are international friendlies on Friday, Saturday and next week. You know what to do if you're bored.

The Transfer Window

In case you hadn't noticed, the football season has started. In France, it started about an hour after Spain's expected triumph in Jo'burg (okay, maybe more like a month after). The self-proclaimed "Greatest show on Earth", the English Premier League, has two matchdays in the bag, and is looking more like Wimbledon (three 6-0 scorelines in 20 matches played) than actual Football. The Bundesliga is underway, and La Liga and the Serie A's opening whistle are set for next Saturday. I'm watching the UEFA Champions League qualifiying round later today. Are you? So yes, Football is in fact, back.

But there isn't much Football to talk about. Making predictions for 2011 champions after a few leagues matches serves only those whose paychecks they need to justify. One could say that "Chelsea looks mean", or that Didier Deschamps will lose his job by November (OM, the defending French champions have lost their first 2 matches). But anyone with 1 brain cell remaining could make those observations. Thankfully, I'm not being paid. Yet. so I'll focus on what's really happening in Football today. Transfers.

The man in the picture above is not Tom Cruise. It's Yoan Gourcuff. The french midfielder who's been tipped as Zidane's heir in France's squad, speaking to reporters after his transfer from Bordeaux to Lyon was completed. Get used to seeing footballers in suits (or other types of expensive and flamboyant clothing) more often than in their club colours for the next seven days. On the 31st of August, The Soccer Gods will close the transfer window. No player on a contract with a club will be able to switch to a different team. Even if the buyer happens to be the Mighty Manchester City Football club. Not until January 1st, 2011.

FC Barcelona have ended the psychological harassment on Arsenal and given up on signing the Gunners captain, and are now focusing on making sure Liverpool go from partially-mediocre-while-having-the-world's-best-striker, to completely-mediocre-while-having-the-world's-best-striker. Javier Mascherano wants a move to Spain, and no one can convince him that the Reds can compete for anything this season. Roy Hodgson will let go of his midfielder, as soon as the price is right. Robinho wants out of the ManCity project; Hatem Ben Arfa has lived up to his reputation by starting a fight with the OM people and has seen his number 10 being handed to newly signed french international André-Pierre Gignac. Zlatan's agent denies allegations that he may need to pack his things and leave Barça...

Transfers...Ridiculously large sums of money changing hands for the rights to use a player's services an sell his shirts for profit, and, oh yeah, I almost forgot, trying to win titles.

To add more drama to the transfer saga, some leagues have set a maximum of players that can be used until the January window. So managers are forced to sell out of form, unhappy players for reduced prices. This couldn't come at a better time, when only a handfull of clubs actually have the cash to strenghten their title challenge. That's right. The recession has also hit the world of Football. Joe the Football fan (also known as Mohammed in some parts of the globe), can't afford cable since he's lost his job. But he keeps his internet connection and streams the matches online. Which means less TV money for his club to help him live his vicarious life.

Ultimately, this can only mean one thing: more smaller clubs may find the opportunity to sign good players for less, and talent will spread across the map like old times. To quote Thomas Friedman (in his book "The World is Flat"):"The playing field is being leveled". No more domination by a couple of Giants with endless Oil money.

Like I said earlier, Football is back...

Now watch Manchester City win the EPL and Real Madrid complete a Treble in Europe, and we can all laugh at my theory and kiss Football goodbye. Fingers crossed.

Have a great season.

FOOTBALL'S TRIUMPH and the crown of a new Champion

On Sunday, there will be a new World Cup champion. Not Germany, not Brazil, and definitely not Italy. One of Gio Van Bronckhorst or Iker Casillas will become the new face of International Football, for the next four years (until we all move to Brazil in 2014 - don't you dare say you hadn't thought of doing that!). This matchup represents the Triumph of Football. The real one. You know, passing the ball around until you find a goal opportunity. The Football FC Barcelona or Arsenal apply on a regular basis. The Netherlands and Spain are in the final for one simple reason: they always played Football...

The lack of household names such as Argentina, Brazil or Italy in the last 4, drove occasional fans away from their TV and back to their everyday empty lives. However, true fans who got over the loss of their beloved teams, after bragging about the number of stars they carry on their shirt (as if these titles somehow magically changed the present and showed the true class of their underachieving sides), will drool over the prospect of the Greatest WC final since '86.

Spain: They've been favourites to win everything since '07, for having displayed the ability to pass the ball around for as long as they want, until Villa or Torres , two of the best strikers alive, can find some space in the box. With a midfield of tiny magicians (Xavi, Iniesta) able to keep the ball or push it through any defense, la Roja changed the recent belief that you needed muscle in the center of the park. Forget beefing up your midfield. Perfect positionning and tactics will take care of defensive duties. Oh, and denying ball possession to any opponent won't hurt either.

What Brazil has been able to do for so many years (but chose not to this time around - Dunga chose counter attacking over having fun and showing off - look where he is now), has been taught to any player who went up the ranks of Spanish football development in the recent years(including Messi), no matter their size. Be patient with the ball, have faith in your teammates' positionning, be alert of their movement on the pitch. And, LOVE football. Love it, be happy to have the greatest job ever. (The French are great footballers but couldn't give a donkey's arse about the sport. The Soccer Gods don't like that - See what happened?!) Cherish the ball, cherish the Sport, and think of the fans (your bosses - they pay your bills). Throughout South Africa 2010, Spain has played the beautiful game (except for Sergio Busquets, who spent more time getting up from imaginary fouls then actually running), their game. Anyone who tried to adapt their style of play to an opponent has been eliminated. The (Ze) Germans looked scared of Spain on wednesday, and didn't attack the way they're used to. To their defense, they barely had the ball...

Netherlands: Just like Spain, they rarely had a great performance at the WC. No 4-0's (plural), but wins. Somehow, they both MANAGED to win their matches. Because they played. The way they know how to play. Sunday will be a battle of possession, because like the Spanish, the Dutch like having the ball, and know how to use it. Some fans expected a Messi vs Kaka showdown in the final. Sorry to disappoint (and possibly insult) you, but Football starts way before the ball gets to forwards like the aformentioned. Instead, I give you Xavi vs Sneijder. The true architects of Modern Football. Don't get me wrong, David Villa is brilliant, and so is Arjen Robben. But their performances depend greatly on how much of the ball they get. And we know who gets them that Jabulani. If the Oranje come out to play, then this shall be a grand-stand finish to a very dramatic Mundial.

So, let's forget about the losers, our tears and disappointments, poor refereeing (No more - Howard Webb will officiate the final! - England did make it all the way after all), and hope for the Greatest Football match in our lifetime. Hey, on Monday, I'll be suicidal, so I'm hoping for a reason to stay alive - gimme a break.

Two nations who respect the One rule of the game will fight (or dance rather), for the title. That rule: Play. 'Cause who wants to see 22 guys stare at each other for an hour-and-a-half? Exactly. We, the Whole of Football, will triumph, on Sunday.

WELCOME TO THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH...

The World Cup has officially begun...

Edgy camera angles and movement, noisy and unbearable plastic trumpets, upsets, tears and complaints about a ball... Here's what we've learned from the first set of group stage games.

Group A: The only hope for the Hosts to go through is Raymond Domenech. If he pulls another one of his bizarre starting eleven/formations (did anyone notice that Sidney Govou - who was released by Lyon before the end of the season - wears the famous number 10 shirt for Les Bleus, just like Michel Platini and Zizou?), then anyone might have a chance to create a surprise in the very serious group A. Uruguay proved they were there to win matches, and Mexico can pass the ball around 'till the end of time without losing it. They just need to find their striker, before it's too late.

Group B: The favourites (Argentina) looked good, but not as good as we expected (Nigeria was a decent contender, to be fair). Mikel's absence in Nigeria's midfield may cost them their qualification to the next round if they don't find a way around it. We'll find out when they play Greece, the '04 Champions of Europe (yes, that's right), who can't seem to find that form/luck that brought them glory 6 years ago. South Korea, whose games aren't broadcasted in Korea DPR :-), were sharper than most in their opener, and may well prove us (me especially) that their '02 run (they were semi-finalists) wasn't sponsored by Sepp Blatter himself.

Group C: "US beat England 1-1" said the headline... Bradley and the rest of the country showed how much that point meant to them (I met a U.S fan in NY last weekend wearing a blue and red scarf that read: "June 12th 2010 - Beat your mother"). Makes sense, considering the fact that their remaining matches are against sides they feel they can beat. Slovenia however, are top of the group. Which ups the stakes of each remaining game. Everyone needs to get full points against Algeria and it will be a 3-horse race. Unless the Algerians know the magic words: Robert Green.

Group D: The group may be decided in the next few days if Ghana can capitalize on Australia's traumatic experience of having played Germany in a Mundial. Serbia will have to "park the bus" - in their case, the plane - if they want to get anything out of their fixture versus the Mannschaft. But they will lose. If that happens, the Black Stars will have a date (a tasty group decider) with THE MOST IMPRESSIVE SQUAD SO FAR...Ze Germans.

Group E: It was supposed to be rated E, for everyone. The other group of death (I hope I'm not the only one appreciating the quality of all 4 squads) has lived up to expectations. So far. The flying (with only one wing vs Denmark) Dutchmen keep their slight edge over the others but it's going to be a nail-biter that may go down to goal difference rules to choose between 4 teams that have yet to find their soul/balance/bollocks. Saturday is gonna be fun! Especially if Robben comes back.

Group F: The Italians never seem in a hurry to find their form at the World Cup. They like to keep it for the second round. Or maybe it just takes them longer than others to gel. No pun intended. Lippi claimed he was very happy with the draw against the draw-seeking Paraguayan side. But can you really blame them for amicably agreeing to split the points, considering the considerably weak opposition that awaits them in games 2 and 3? No, not really. Slovakia was supposed to beat the worst team of the tournament, but didn't. Talk about making it hard on yourself. Too bad for my boy, Marty Skrtel, the Red.

Group G: Is this group called the "Group of Death" because Kim Jong-il is personally going to execute Korea DPR's players if they humiliate themselves against 3 World Cup contenders? Hmm...maybe not. The unknown team of the Cup showed some good attributes against the five time Champions. They also showed us what North Koreans look like. Jong Tae-Se, aka The People's Rooney (or crybaby) played better the real Rooney (against the Yanks). And their defensive discipline may become the atomic bomb (pun intended) of a group where points have become even more expensive. Brazil proved they've got the minerals. Against DPR. Côte d'Ivoire made Portugal look ordinary, and Cristiano settled the debate on the Jabulani (there is nothing wrong with the ball! Ask the post). The group of death is still the group of death. And because it is, it will take deadly finishes by the world's best commercial actors to separate these sides.

Group H: Thank you Hitzfeld for setting us up with some interesting clashes for the next games. Now that Spain has to win, they'll have to open up and will be more vulnerable at the back, thus paving the way for more balanced matchups in the group. The favourites were shaken. And proven beatable. Now, the World Cup has started...

The Ones Who'll Miss The Show - (The World Cup is here...without the Stars we expected to see)

The Greatest Show on Earth is about begin. Please take your seat, and your blood pressure pills. Because drama, is just around the corner. Hearts and records will be broken, dreams shattered, and so on...

So much for an introduction. Let's get right to the point. Imagine a Football team:

-----------------------------------Julio Cesar (GK)
-
Bosingwa (RB) -- Rio Ferdinand (CB) ---Simon Kjaer (CB) -- Pepe(LB)
-
------------------Michael Essien (DM) -- Andrea Pirlo (DM)
-
-----------Arjen Robben (RW) -------------- Michael Ballack(LM)
-
--------------------Fernando Torres (ST) Didier Drogba (ST)

Subs: John Obi Mikel, Josy Altidore, Nicklaus Bendtner

If you are somewhat interested in the sport, you will recognize more than one name on that lineup. If you know a little bit about Football, or hang out with people who do, you can appreciate the quality of such a team. And, if you claim to be a Football connaisseur (like everyone in the world come World Cup time), then you know for a fact that as a manager, you could easily lead this starting Eleven to glory in South Africa. Easily. I'd call them the Winning Eleven.

However, we won't get to see this dream team perform this month, simply because, well, they're from different countries, and, they're ALL injured. Some are fighting the clock to return to fitness before their opening match (Pirlo, Robben, Drogba, Torres, Josy, Bendtner, Kjaer, Cesar). Others are already on vacation (due to a long-term injury), irresponsibly spending-pounds-then-gaining the pounds (or kilos) they'll all have to vomit back out, come the very dreaded pre-season training sessions of early August. In other words, about 10 of the 20 best footballers in the world will not be in action starting June 11th. Forget about the stars left out of their national squad by (by far) the worst crop of coaches we've had to endure in a while. That's an even sadder story.

So, what this global injury crisis means to the game is: more room for unknown talents to finally bloom, and get their "big-money-move" to a big club in Europe; and the opportunity for underdogs to stay alive in the tournament 'till July. Or, it simply means that the path to the Final for The Football superpower (Brazil) is turning into a walk in the park.

In 2002 (remember that very crappy world cup where people in the stands looked like puppets, and referees helped South Korea get to the semi-final? Yeah, that one), out of the 8 teams who played in the quarter-finals, only 2 had been previous champions, and Brazil cruised to their 5th title. Although it was nice to see fresh faces at such a late stage in the tournament (Turkey was badass!), the outcome had sadly been written in advance. A Germany-Brazil final.

New continent+injuries = easy routes for those teams we're all a bit tired of seeing at the final (Germany and Brazil have a combined 14 appearances). So, in an attempt to sarcastically revive religious fervour, let us pray. For Robben, Pirlo, Drogba, Torres, Bendtner, and all the future casualties of friendly fires to be 100% when the whistle blows, because with or without 'em, the show must go on. And when it does, Brazil wins. And NO one wants to see that happen ;-). Again.
Have a great World Cup everyone!



My Predictions: The Clockwork Orange is back. If Robben is fit, the Dutch will be Champions. Finally.

The Injured List (World cup preview pt II)

Beware of all international players who are currently injured or out of form. Beware. They might be the ones stealing the show in RSA.

Every World Cup has its upsets (Brazil being sent home in the round of 16 in Italia '90 is one example). That's why we watch it. Otherwise we would simply play it on paper. And, instead of 62 games, we'd watch Spain play Brazil (as the obvious 2 best teams, on paper) and just get on with our boring summer. But no, we long for these surprises caused sometimes by controversial red cards or wrongfully awarded penalties. Or, once in a while, some average footballer becomes, with 4 or 5 marvelous performances, one of the greatests of all time. This is more likely to happen this time around, as the level of International Football has never been this high. Gaps between teams have shrunk, and apart from North Korea (of which we know close-to-nothing), everyone has a good idea of what to expect from their opponents (Thank You footytube.com!). One can even argue that South Africa 2010 has more than one "Group of Death". The point here is that anyone will be in the position to shine.

The most important aspect of a footballer's game is his confidence. Confidence that he is sharper than his adversary, fitter, and ready to run non-stop like a mad man. That sort of belief comes easily with being sidelined with an injury for a month - getting massages and watching your mates killing themselves on the tube - or simply with having -possibly- the worst season of your career. Indeed, having nothing to play for in the last remaining weeks of a season removes any kind of pressure or expectation off a footballer's shoulders. Example please! -Liverpool are crappy this year, so is Steven Gerrard, their captain. They're playing for nothing, and I can't even remember what winning a game feels like anymore. So this morning, I didn't bother waking up to watch my boys play Burnley away in the PL. Result: the skipper scored twice, and the Reds crush freshly-relegated Burnley 4-0. No pressure? No problem. So now, expect a cracking Gerrard this summer when he wears the Three Lions shirt. The hottest transfer target of the summer has yet to revealed; while we wait, here's the list of players we know that may write their name in History:

-Wayne Rooney (England): Some much deserved rest for the hottest striker in the world, just in time for the Cup. Ferguson abused of Wazza all year long, even playing him while he was injured. But he's winning the race to fitness, and may well live up to his (overrating) nickname "The White Pelé", to the delight of his England boss, Don Fabio.

-Park Ji-Sung (South Korea): Having only played a total of 25 games for Manchester United in 09-10, Korea's captain will surely create a few surprises versus Argentina and Nigeria...

-Josmer "Jozy" Altidore & Clint Dempsey (U.S): the pair of strikers have had their share of time off the pitch, mostly through injury for the latter, and have already shown the World that they can beat the very best (Spain in the Confederations Cup in '09). Be prepared England!

-Franck Ribéry (France): Tendonitis kept him out of the Bayern Munich lineup all season long, and now, he's back. In top form. Domenech is delighted. Vas-y Francky, c'est bon!

-Miroslave Klose (Germany): Having lost his spot in Munich to Ivica Olic and Thomas Muller, the 2006 WC golden boot simply knows how to score for Germany. If he's on Joachim Lowe's 23, he will surely add to his WC goal counter and break down defenses in two months. Never dismiss the National Mannschaft's chances in a tournament.

-Robin Van Persie (Netherlands): RVP injured his ankle last November during a international friendly (that was both useless and boring) against Italy, and never came back. Until last week, when he came off the bench for Arsenal against Tottenham. Ten minutes later, Spurs keeper Gomes had to get to work to stop an RPG of a free-kick from RVP, quickly showing what the Gunners lacked all season. Along with Robben, who's also back from a long term injury, Van Persie will try to lead the Dutch to their first trophy since 1988, on a set a very fresh legs.

-Michael Essien (Ghana): The Chelsea super-midfielder with 5 lungs and strength like 10 men, will be back for his country after missing most of the season due to injury. I expect him to win the midfield battle against his club teammate, (the very tired) Michael Ballack when Ghana play Germany in the group stages.

-Yakubu & Martins (Nigeria): The Yak spent all year recovering from an achilles tendon injury, and will be fit for the Big Show. Oba Oba hasn't played much for Wolfsburg (less than 20 games). These two leathal finishers may cause more damage then expected to their underestimating opponents.

-Kakà (Brazil): Nothing much to say. He can be the best footballer in the world when fit. His manager at Real Madrid, and some members of the press claim that his recent injuries were fake and that he is simply resting his legs for the World Cup. Can we blame him for being far-sighted? Yes. Real pays his rent, not Brazil. But are we gonna complain when, he and the others on the list, crush (or deliver) our hopes and cause heart attacks this summer? Probably not.

The Argentine (World Cup preview part I)

In less than two months, you will no longer be capable of reaching me on my cell phone. You'll have to leave a message. On June 11th, real life stops. For a month. Can't wait. I'm already hearing predictions from fans-turned-pro analysts about who's to win it all. I'm getting some good ones. I'll share some quotes with you in later posts.

The obvious favourites remain: Spain, Brazil. Yeah. In THAT order. But if you apply the 24-year rule (Brazil 1970-1994; Italy 1982-2006), it's Argentina's turn to be Champions, having won it at Mexico '86, 24 years ago. And considering that Diego is back, and that he's found his replacement (who, according to anyone who's seen him violate the Gunners in the Champions League last week, already surpasses his national coach), couldn't make it sweeter for the Albiceleste. Everything comes together so beautifully for Maradona's squad. Messi is in the form of his (very short so far) career; Gonzalo Higuain is outshining Cristiano Ronaldo (who?) at Real Madrid; Tevez is turning recently-known-to-the-world Manchester City into a Champions League side, and so on... Everything comes together so perfectly for Maradona's squad. Except Maradona himself.

His poor knowledge of the job may turn out to be the only thing that can stop Messi from shining for his country this summer. Once one of the most feared forwards in Football, Diego Armando Maradona has become a laughing matter at the International level, as a manager. After Argentina booked their spot in RSA at the very death, courtesy of veteran penalty-expert Palermo, one could only wonder which hand Maradona will play to turn his fortunes around as the national Boss, come summertime. No "Hand of God" will help against Nigeria and South Korea in the group stages. He'll have to know his opponents and not underestimate them. He's got to pick the right players (Javier Zanetti, Cambiasso and Riquelme all have to be back on the squad) at the right positions (sounds obvious? not to him). Otherwise, you can forget about the magic of Messi, the hard work of Tevez and the sharp finishing of Higuain and Milito...

It's going to be cold in South Africa,and games will be played at high altitude...

So, dear Diego, now is not the time to be proud and stubborn. Or you may find yourself with a mutiny on your hands during the knockout stages. Bury the hatchet(s), make peace with whoever you had beef with and deliver your fans from their agony. Let us have the discombobulating show we're expecting from Leo. And in return, we'll forget you even existed (no one seems to care about the past nowadays), for we'll no longer need memories when talking about Argentina as a great nation of Football.

This was my (very poor) attempt at ignoring Messi's praises and performances of the current calendar year. The kid is only 22. Give him time, to win multiple world cups and personal awards, or, like Portuguese center-back Pepe declared a couple of days ago: "Wait 'till he scores his 1000th goal" -he's at 133-. Then, will we have the right to compare him to the true greats of The Game. Like this dude: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jk-kXwjASEE

The Curious Case of Manuel Almunia

Arsenal's goalkeeper is English. But only according to his passport. "For me, Manuel Almunia is Spanish" - Fabio Capello. So, Deco (who was born in São Bernardo do Campo, Brazil) isn't Portuguese; neither is Pepe (born in Maceió, Brazil); world cup winner (with Italy, the place of birth of Capello) Mauro Camoranesi was born an Argentine, and according to the England boss, will die one. Before we go any further, let's call this what it is: xenophobia.

I recently met an Englishman at a sports bar in Montreal, and after ordering a second pint of "the black stuff", I turned to him and asked if he thought Almunia should be England's goalkeeper. He quickly replied:"Of course not." Why not? - "He's just not English mate!" - But his passport says he is... -"Yeah but..." Thank you, no further questions. You just wanna go to South Africa with real Englishmen wearing the Three Lions shirt. It doesn't matter if they lack talent. Now I get it.

So, in a time when everyone, even Germany is opening their borders, the English are closing up their minds, and their chances of making it anywhere at the World Cup. Because no one wins a Mundial with keepers like Robert Greene (in a relegation battle with West Ham), or David James (in a relegation fall with Portsmouth). Joe Hart is okay, but he's no Manny Almunia. The true question remains however, whether Capello was bullied into his current position on the matter by the idiotic public opinion created by tabloid wannabe-reporters, or is he simply an old-fashion Italian who believes naturalization should be the affairs of terrorists, and spies only? He said he already knew who his number 1 will be, come June. That was before the almost-perfect performance(Zlatan's first goal was his fault) Almunia had against Barcelona in the first leg of their UCL clash, preventing a 8-2 thrashing of the Gunners at home against the Reigning Champions of Everything. "For me, Almunia is Spanish". Shut up old man! I want Steven Gerrard to lift the Cup! I will not survive watching John Terry cry on a pitch one more time. It's way too pathetic.

Almost no one in Football spoke on the matter, and the few ones who wrote about the Almunia case, rapidly dismissed the possibility of him representing England. "because he's just not English, mate". Shut it young lad! He is! Ask the Foreign Office! And the first thing an international coach has to do: choosing the best 23 players holding a passport of a nation (preferrably the same one for all 23), then picking out a leader (or captain) for these men (Let's not talk about that other fiasco - Terry).

Manuel Almunia is by far the best goalkeeper in the world eligible to play for England. And he's not England's keeper. Because, even though he is eligible, he sorta isn't. Get it? Neither do I.

England is not going to win the World Cup. A costly keeper mistake will sink them in the quarterfinal, again. I'll try (and fail) to drink my sorrow away. And, when I'm pissed drunk crawling on the floor, I'll lift my head, smile and think: "I bloody told you so".

The English Channel

The English invented Football, and after more than a century of playing it, still don't understand its basics. Passing the ball around, in movement, to create (pockets of) space. It's that simple. Yet, big names like Frank Lampard, Steven Gerrard, or Gareth Barry have a hard time applying what Arsène Wenger calls "the beautiful football". Some call it "continental football", when really, it should simply be referred to as football. Not the american football-like Aston Villa plays (Martin O'neill should be banned from football), forcing its strikers, Agbonlahor and Heskey to spend 90 minutes chasing hell-mary balls from Friedel. It's pathetic to hear English commentators being amazed whenever they're commenting European tournaments. And they wonder why they never make it past the quarterfinal! Luckily, this year England have a foreign manager, and arguiably the best in the world, and he's promised a semifinal. Let's hope Sir Alex hasn't worn Rooney out by June. 

On the other side of the Channel however, there is an army of well trained superheroes (that's what I believe the French players to be) lead by a clown, high on mushrooms. Domenech sees a different reality from all of us, and always seems to see the bright side of every situation. Well, for a man in his position, you kinda have to. The fact that he should've been replaced a long time ago is probably the only thing all human beings (except for Domenech's boss, obviously) would agree on, yet he's about to take a tremendously talented squad of players to another World Cup. Fine, there's no Zidane this time around, but who needs him when you can have a  Ribéry-Gourcuff-Nasri midfield, and a Malouda-Diaby-Anelka as a backup just in case someone catches the latest fake flu pandemic? And really, that's just a few of the multiple possibilities the vast pool of French talent produced by the INF (France's national football institute) gives you. The same folks responsible for the Thierry Henry handball vs The Republic (France shouldn't have to qualify through playoffs), are behind the development of some of our favourite players. 

What does all that mean? On both sides of La Manche, there is an internal issue slowing down the efforts to win a World Cup. The FA can buy the best manager but can't teach football to its kids. The FFF did an amazing job correcting the mistakes of the early Nineties (failing to qualify in '90 and '94) but today, bureaucracy wins over creativity. Or like Bill Clinton says: "politics over policy".

Michel Platini replaced a Dinausor at the UEFA presidency, and already positive changes are felt in European Football. Let's hope that wave of change can hit the national federations too.